dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
