When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
