I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
