We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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