:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
