She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
