my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish i was in the wii world.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
