Betty ford says i'm here all night
I looked at my own cervix.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
