let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's get the cat blown out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
