I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
