I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
