If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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