Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize