flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
