this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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