i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
