So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
