I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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