The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize