I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
