Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
