I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't turn off my feet"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
