I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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