I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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