I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
