can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
