Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
