I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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