didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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