it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
