Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
