I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
