According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
