Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
