Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
