Dignity is for republicans.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
