boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
