I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
