we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
