I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
