I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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