If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
