Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
