Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize