They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
