I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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