Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
