somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I supernannyed him into submission
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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