i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
