im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
