I can text with my tongue
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
