tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
