No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
