The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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