He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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