Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
