Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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