If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize