you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
