the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
