Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize