shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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