Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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