So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
