there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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