I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
