great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
