I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
