Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
